You Are Pregnant....But How About Your Friend?
When you get pregnant it should be a joyous time. You may want to shout it from the roof tops. But what do you do when your friend wants to be pregnant but is not. The following advice will help you navigate these choppy waters.
Avoid the Face-to-Face Announcement
If you know your friend is struggling with infertility it is best to not announce your pregnancy face-to-face. When you announce it in person she will have to put on a smile even if she feels like crying. If you tell her on the phone it gives her time to compose herself, so she can give you a more genuine response.
Change the Subject
Naturally you want to talk about your growing bump, but someone struggling with fertility may not have much to say about it. You don’t have to avoid the subject altogether, but it shouldn’t be your main topic of conversation. Talk about sports, the weather, mutual friends etc.
Be a Shoulder
If you let your friend vent about their infertility problems they will be more likely to hang out with you. It may be awkward, but everyone needs to vent. I’m sure you have a few complaints about pregnancy that you would like to share as well.
Choose your Subject Wisely
You don’t want to sit around sharing stories about your other pregnant friends. You especially want to avoid stories about your really fertile friends who got pregnant easily, or by mistake. Saying these things to an infertile friend will only trivialize her struggle and add salt to her wounds. She doesn’t want to hear what other people did to get pregnant, assume she has heard it all.
- Dan Canfield